


The Color+Animal House

by indigorose50



Series: No Shame November Fics [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack Treated Seriously, Friendship, Full Recruitment (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Humor, Mentioned Ashen Wolves Students (Fire Emblem), Nonbinary My Unit | Byleth, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27393217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigorose50/pseuds/indigorose50
Summary: [Claude thought it was an absolutely stupid idea. So of course he grinned and told Teach to “Go for it!” They had nodded solemnly and given him a thumbs up in return.]Or; Professor Byleth is on a mission to recruit everyone into Golden Deer. And they MEAN everyone.
Relationships: My Unit | Byleth & Claude von Riegan
Series: No Shame November Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997986
Comments: 5
Kudos: 79





	The Color+Animal House

**Author's Note:**

> Moeblob and I joked around with an All Houses House AU a while back and I re-read our notes and went "You know what..."
> 
> This is silly, but it could easily turn into the Golden "Everyone Lives" Route people love to theorize. That's my take in it, anyway.

Claude thought it was an absolutely stupid idea. So of course he grinned and told Teach to “Go for it!” They had nodded solemnly and given him a thumbs up in return.

A week after the battle with Lord Lonato, almost all the Blue Lion’s joined the Golden Deer house. Sylvain entered the classroom with a wink at the Professor and sat beside Hilda, sliding his chair nice and close. Ashe walked in and was waved over by Ignatz. Annette and Mercedes came together and took seats near the middle, Mercedes offering Raphael a cookie she had saved him earlier.

Later that day, Felix all but stomped in and sat at the very front, ignoring Sylvain’s waving. Ingrid followed him in, _also_ ignored Sylvain, and sat beside Felix.

A few days after the Rite of Rebirth, with Teach equipped with a shiny new weapon Claude couldn’t _wait_ to get his hands on, a few Black Eagles flew into class. Ferdinand and Lorenz were insufferable during that first lesson. In contrast, Linhardt didn’t lift his head from his desk once. 

Caspar joined the next day and sat beside Marianne, who looked stunned by her new desk mate but otherwise did not object. She did turn red when Dorothea took the seat on her other side though. Petra entered the classroom mid conversation with Leonie, the two swapping tracking techniques and promising to spar later.

Bernadetta snuck in when no one was looking and planted herself beside Lysithea, who glared protectively at anyone who got too close to them. 

After class, Claude hung back and sat on the edge of Teach’s desk. “So? Feeling accomplished?”

“No,” the Professor said, scribbling away at someone’s test. “We’re missing four students.”

With a hum, Claude leaned back on his palms, hand dangerously close to Teach’s inkwell. That earned him a warning look but he pretended not to notice. “Don’t you mean five?” He asked casually.

The scribbling stopped.

“Five?”

“Flayn really likes fish, doesn’t she?”

A pause. Then the scribbling picked up again; slowly, thoughtfully. “I believe she does.”

The next day, there was an awful lot of shouting coming from Seteth’s office. Claude all but cackled as he passed by.

* * *

Flayn was kidnapped a month later. Dimitri had come by to check on Sylvain but Teach pulled him aside before he could. After the lunch break, Dedue and Dimitri followed the Golden Deer into their classroom. 

“Uh,” began Ingrid, speaking for the whole class except Claude and the Professor. “Your Highness, the Blue Lions are next door.”

“Actually, the Blue Lions are in here. So I will be as well.” With that, Dimitri put his books beside Bernadetta, ignored or didn’t notice Lysithea’s glare, and sat down. Dedue scanned the room before sitting across the aisle beside Linhardt. 

The other students were either stoked about the new additions or utterly confused. Claude begged Teach after class to tell him what they had said to Dimitri, but the Professor just pat his head, ordered him to find more desks, and left the classroom.

* * *

At the end of the month, Dimitri and Claude helped an injured Manuela while the rest of the class followed the Professor into the secret passage. It was a long wait— 20 students, one at a time, through a small opening, into total darkness. Claude’s self preservation was at war with his curiosity trying to decide if he was envious he had to stay behind.

“The Professor said they are trying to get Edelgard to join our class as well,” Dimitri said as they carried Manuela out of Jeritza’s room. “Do you think it’s possible? She seems fine in her own class with Hubert and Professor Hanneman.”

“If it’s possible at all, Teach will find a way,” Claude said with full confidence.

Dimitri chuckled. “That is true.”

* * *

Flayn finally joined their class a few days after her recovery. Once again, Claude sat on Teach’s desk. “Almost there. Any ideas?”

This time, the Professor didn’t even attempt to appear engaged with something else. They folded their hands under their chin and stared at the classroom door with narrow eyes. “None.”

Claude clicked his tongue. “That’s a shame.” He leaned forward to pat them on the head. “You’ll get there.”

“Do _you_ have any ideas?”

“Tons. But somehow I don’t think they’ll be necessary.”

And he left the room, ignoring Teach’s grumbles and groans of frustration.

* * *

The next day, Edelgard came into the Golden Deer classroom followed closely by Hubert, who was looking around the room suspiciously. The bell rang for class to begin but no one moved. Everyone, even Teach, was starting at Edelgard with open mouths.

“Good morning,” Edelgard greeted. “Is there a free seat anywhere?”

In one fluid motion, Claude swept some books off his desk and pulled out the chair beside him. “Of course, Princess.”

Edelgard shook her head in exasperation but sat down. The closest open seat was next to Ashe, who went as pale as his hair when Hubert took it. Teach blinked a few times, shook themselves, and turned back to the board to finish drawing a diagram for their lesson.

And what a lesson it was.

The Professor began with their normal greeting, which was anything _but_ normal. “Good morning, Amethyst Salamanders.”

“Good morning!” came the booming response. Edelgard and Hubert looked understandably befuddled by the name. Claude thought about explaining that, given the mix of different houses, Teach picked a different color and animal combination every other morning. But it was much more fun to watch the two former Eagles trade bewildered looks.

The lesson went on. As usual, Raphael had snuck in some snacks. Ingrid, who had started sitting near him as often as possible, happily accepted the drumstick he offered her. Flayn and Annette sent him with wide, innocent eyes until he dropped a lemon sweet into each of their hands. Linhardt was asleep on Dedue’s shoulder, having long since discovered Dedue didn’t mind as long as Linhardt didn’t drool. 

Marianne giggled at a note Dorothea passed her halfway through the morning and Sylvain made a silent show of grabbing his chest dramatically at the sound. Caspar flicked a wad of paper at Lorenz, who turned to glare at Leonie behind him, who stuck her tongue out at him— much to Felix’s amusement. At the back of the class, Petra whispered a question to Mercedes. Scooting closer, ever patient, Mercedes smiled warmly and leaned over Petra’s notes to explain the term that was confusing her. 

Hilda was called on at one point and spoke around the question quite impressively as Ferdinand scribbled down the answer on a note, which he pressed into her hand for her to read once she took a breath. Dimitri caught Bernadetta’s quill before it could roll off the desk and Lysithea shushed the resulting mix of gratitude and apologies. 

In the front row, Edelgard calmly raised her hand to answer a question and Claude high-fived her without hesitation. Her stunned look made him laugh into his hand. Hubert caught sight of one of Ignatz’s doodles and made the Golden Deer faux pas of complimenting the art, causing Ignatz to glow red. Ashe pat Ignatz consolingly and whispered to a confused Hubert that he would explain later.

All in all, a normal school day. 

As Claude looked back at the room full to bursting with students, he made a mental note to ask Teach to get Manuela and Hanneman’s help managing things. Grading homework alone had to be costing Teach some sleep. 

Still— Claude smirked as Felix and Caspar elbowed each other trying to raise their hands to answer a question— it was certainly more lively around here. Teach’s idea had been wild, but it was Claude’s kind of wild. 

When the bell rang for lunch, Edelgard stood up first. “I would like to speak to you, Professor. As well as Dimitri and Claude.”

The rest of the class filtered out. Except for Dedue and Hubert. And Hilda, who just looked happy to be there. Dimitri turned to Edelgard as Teach locked the door. “Have you truly joined us, Edelgard? Or were you spying on us for the Battle of the Eagle and Lion?”

Claude and Edelgard exchanged a look before Edelgard crossed her arms and replied, “You still believe we’re having that?”

“I— It’s tradition!”

“That doesn’t make it absolute.” Edelgard ignored Dimitri’s protests and turned to the Professor. “If we all united as one house, who do you suppose we would fight at the end of the month, my teacher?”

The Professor shrugged. “The church?” They offered.

Edelgard smiled. “I would think so.”

“So, you’re only joining the Emerald Frogs to get a chance at taking on the Church of Seiros?” Claude clarified. Edelgard nodded. A sly grin took his face. “I knew I liked you.” Behind him, Claude heard Hubert chuckle. 

Dimitri looked between them all as if they’d gone mad. “Why would you want to fight the church? The battle is supposed to hearken back to the fight between the Empire and the Kingdom!”

“We are to learn unity and peace at this school, and yet they have us reenacting a battle that tore the continent apart?” Hubert said with a raised eyebrow. “Seems ill advised.”

“And a fight with the church is a wiser battle to practice?” Dedue asked.

“Yes,” Edelgard, Claude, and Hubert chorused.

Hilda giggled at Dimitri's expression. “You know— that means you would have to fight Captain Jeralt, Professor!” She pointed out with glee. “Could you really fight your own father?”

“Bold of you to assume I’m not trying to get him into this class too,” Teach intoned. 

At those words, Claude couldn’t hold it in anymore. A burst of laughter from somewhere deep in his gut made him double over, one hand on the desk keeping him upright. Claude had reached out his hand to Teach; and Teach had, in turn, reached out their hand to an _impossible_ amount of people— and it had been the right call after all. 

Claude only regained control of himself when Edelgard stood on her chair and looked down at them all with a grin of conquest. At that moment, she looked every inch an future Emperor. “Gentleman, Hilda, Professor— I believe we can join together to _crush_ the church. And we can do it all on our own. We will be a force unlike any have seen— an army that has not existed in Fódlan since the era before Loog and his Lions. Can the Kingdom, Alliance, and Empire stand together for the first time in centuries?” 

This speech was met with silence.

Then, to everyone’s amazement, Dimitri climbed into his chair. “I believe we can,” he stated solemnly, putting a fist over his heart and nodding to Edelgard. 

Teach hopped onto their desk. “This house has my sword,” they declared.

With a grin that reached his eyes at long last, Claude stood on his chair. “And it has my bow.”

“And _my_ axe!”

Everyone turned to Hilda, who had also climbed onto a chair. She lowered the hand she had raised triumphantly into the air. “Or, well, you can have _Dedue’s_ axe, actually. Or Caspar’s. Sorry, I got caught up in the moment.”

Hubert rolled his eyes as she hopped down but Dedue looked thoroughly amused. 

“I mean, it’s all in theory, right?” Dimitri clarified with a hesitant smile. “This fight would be in the name of unity, not… _practice_ of any kind, correct?”

Claude didn’t miss the look that passed between Hubert and Edelgard. “Of course,” Edelgard said with a frosted smile. “Why would anyone _really_ want to bring down the Church of Seiros?”

* * *

Two days later, Teach had started making their case to Rhea and Seteth, Hanneman and Manuela flanked the classroom to try and help keep order— and a red haired girl in a grey uniform stomped into class trailed by three others in similar uniforms. She introduced herself as Hapi and slapped her hands down on Teach’s desk. The class jumped, startled, as she leaned across the desk with a smirk. 

“I heard a rumor you were gonna fight the church?” 

**Author's Note:**

> I love Hapi so, so so much.


End file.
